ramble on

April 15, 2006

hello.how are you.good.how are you.good.what are you doing.nothing.what are you doing.lounging.what are you doing later.nothing.what do you want to do.let's go out to dinner.ok.where.i don't know.where do you want to go.i don't know.i don't have a lot of money.me neither.are you watching tv.a movie.what movie.i don't know.who's in it.that girl.kirsten dunst.spiderman.no.this is old.oh.is it good.no not really.well call me later.ok.are we going to dinner.i don't know. do you want to.yes but i have no money.let's go to the thai restaurant.i have no money.no the cheap one.ok.what time.i don't know.what time is good for you.7.earlier.6.ok.where do you want to meet.i don't know.do you want to drive.no not really.do you want me to pick you up.yes.ok.5:40.5:40.bye.later



April 10, 2006

malicious walk, vindictive eyes and a bitter tone of voice.  but i didn't expel you, i listened. 

everyone has a story that could break your heart. 

despite the vulgarity of your exterior… your soul is liquid gold. i know this for a fact.  i feel blessed that i avoided the obvious and allowed myself to strike chord upon chord of fascinitation.  you are absolutely fantastic.  i am enamored with your reasoning and mind.  today, i find myself in state of deep blue calm.  i'm far removed from my own concerns and lost in your tales of yore, years and yesterdays.

thank you for tales that blur and blend fact and fiction.  they've given me more than i could ever take. 


April 4, 2006

i woke up with an uncontrollable giggle

it was so contagious, my entire body laughed and smiled

i got up, took off my t-shirt, and got out some joy division and midnight oil and danced around my room naked for a good hour, it was absolutely marvellous.  the polish wowan banged her broom on the floor and i sung love will tear us apart, loud enough for the dead. 

i think things are on the upward swing.  i've finally met some people i click with and am starting to open up.  i actually walked to the gimenaspico without my ipod and smiled at the people who i passby eveyday on their cellphones.

i cooked enough lentil stew to feed my town, and stored it in water bottles, just like my aunt.  it too brings a smile to my face everytime i open the fridge.  i've also made midnight longboarding somewhat of a habit.  it's probably not the best idea to go alone but its too enjoyable to pass up.

the street names are starting to roll off my tongue and they've been added to the bank of once foreign words that make you uneasy at the first sight or sound. 

so i'm smiling and i hope you are too

love, light, and laughter


March 24, 2006

direction makes us different

if all of you went that way why would i

in with the red, out with the neon yellow

focus on it… not me, you, him or her

in with the red, out with the neon

the bills, papers and documents are done, then comes the one to be signed

in with the red, out with the

i care, but i won't be foolish until it's at least plotted

in with the red, out with

star, the points on focus will shine

in with the red, out

the heart, i have a heart

in with the red

Teal Toothpicks and Travesty

February 20, 2006

how would you say

i would never look at you sideways

let alone talk to you

if we weren’t caged together?

maybe that’s a little harsh…but imagine if i could say that, how different life would be, how different i would be


my mother and many of my family members are so brutally truthful, straight-up honest.  growing up i despised it.  if my mom didn’t like you she wouldn’t even say hi, she wouldn’t give you the time of day if she didn’t respect you.  i found it too harsh

so what happened to me………the ultimate diplomat of course.  and it has served me well, it’s definitely been an advantage at times. but am i cheating myself?  i don’t think i’m a hypocrite but i’m sure there are instances when my actions have reflected that of one.  and i’m probably reluctant to admit it, so i might as well be the biggest hypocrite in the world.

welll where do i go from here.  it’s like having corn stuck between my teeth but being unable to pick it out because it’s ‘impolite’

but at the same time it’s hard to respect those who say fuck it and start shoveling out their mouths and have corn flying into their guests’ faces. 

and the happy medium is so blah. i mean excusing yourself to floss is proper but proper is blah.

i guess you need some sort of pizzaz, maybe you won’t be liked and maybe you won’t even be respected but at least you’d be interesting. 

hmm, i’ll sleep on that one

oh and before i go, please do me a favor- pull out madvillainy again, that album is awesome


February 8, 2006

it’s why blades of grass don’t bend in the wind

it’s why, you and i pass on the street everyday and will never meet

it’s why i haven’t slept since the 452 question game

it’s why i need to read more books

it’s why i absolutely adore you

it’s why i’m petrified of getting close enough to the dream

it’s why i’m so sick of this past-life talk, i was a samurai and that’s that, but if we weren’t friends maybe i’d be a mule too

it’s why i want to match the identical patterns to the max

it’s why i should take a shower and go to bed



January 31, 2006

Apparently you can learn a lot about a person and maybe even predict their future by taking note of what they eat for breakfast.  I’m not entirely sold on the concept but I definitely won’t be eating scones, soymilk and grapefruit tomorrow.  The day started well enough, and even mid-day was somewhat enjoyable, but these last few hours have been brutal.  In fact I have so much to do, and i’m here writing in this blog, i don’t think it should be considered procrastination because it really seems to be more of a coping mechanism.  maybe i just need a hug.  speaking of which, i broke down for the first time a few nights ago, the free calling card didn’t work and i was forced to call home collect, my poor family, that bill will be atrocious. 

anyways, as soon as i heard my mom’s voice, the waterworks began, ahh it was awful.  the worst part of all was being on the street and having thirty people pass by, stop and stare and reconfirm with one another that i was actually crying.  i feel so alone here, amidst so many.  alone together (good song, by the way). 

I’m coping, maybe surviving is a better word.  i know i’m fortunate and have much to be grateful for but……you know the rest    i don’t want to be dominated by a negative state when i have myself, the ally     but life seems grim

at least i have my brushes, painting sounds more therapeutic than ever

i do wish the best to all and to all a goodnight

it’s been awhile

January 26, 2006

well i’m slowly getting settled.  i like it here, i guess.  i don’t have much to write.  i feel like i have so much inside me to complain and be joyous about but it hasn’t come out since my arrival.  i keep calling everyone but i’m unable to give details or really express anything.  maybe it’s better like that.  but maybe not… i’ll try a list

1) the soymilk is really good.  it’s in a plain black carton sans an ingredient list or the good old nutritional information table, and who knows what’s in it but it’s the only easily digested and tastebud pleasing drink i’ve come across

2) I now have internet, that’s a definite positive

3) the malfunctioning toilet seems to be ok today

4) I met this guy from japan who isn’t really well acquainted either, though we have some communication difficulties and my cell is acting up again, but hopefully are paths will cross again

5) It’s sooooooo cold, why did i have the preconceived notion that it was warm here?

6) The landscaping is incredible, this place really is just beautiful ….but the people….umm well maybe i need to give them more time

7) but i can’t…….ahhhhhhhhhh they’re so superficial and plastic.  really i’m bound to come across someone i can relate to. it would help if their wardrobe wasn’t worth more than my home or they didn’t have a phone attached to their ears 23 hours of the day, but i know i might be pushing it

8) I hope to get a car soon, i’m enjoying my walks though

Well i hope to make a friend … hopefully everything will fall into place, if not it’s only four months.  four months isn’t that long is it?


January 14, 2006

i had a dream that you and i were swimming in a spring, in prague

waking up can really dissapoint

dearest prague, when will i see you again


January 6, 2006

it’s been such a pleasure to have company for the last few days.  alejandro and sebastian have added youthful joy and innocence to this place.  alejo left for valencia this morning and seba almost started to cry, they’ve become like brothers :), in fact i think all of our bonds have strengthened. 

this evening seba nervously came to ask me if i could stay in his room until he fell asleep.  the boy has travelled all alone throughout south america, europe and the u.s. but is petrified of the dark.  we ended up talking for hours about goals, girls, parents, travelling and school, but now i think he’s finally on the road to dreamland.  my company has given me a much needed breath of fresh air.  how i adore watching them grow, knowing that the next time i spend time with seba the pristine naivety will have begun to fade.  i enjoy it when they correct me and question my suggestions.  i do hope i can retain an outlook like this when i have kids.  my mother hated my questioning, a sign of rebellion and defiance.  but really i feel proud (not that i believe i’ve made a significant contribution to their development, but i’d like to take a little bit of credit) when i see these self-assured, thinking and capable boys.  they give me hope, hope for not only tomorrow or today but hope for myself as well.